life in london, photography and travel

Thoughts on [The Internal Struggle of Changing Paths]

Changing Paths Post / Renae Smith

Hello my poor neglected blog, it’s certainly been awhile since my last proper post. To be honest, my mind has been all over the place and I’ve been struggling to put something together to write a coherent post. 

I feel like I have been mentally wrestling with the challenges of changing direction and going down a new path. Whilst I am excited about doing something I love, opening myself up and putting it out there is challenging. Sometimes I’m completely riddled with self doubt, plagued with the question of whether I am good enough, but deep down I know if I am going to create my own path I’ve got to fight off the fear, let go and lean into the uncomfortable space I’m stepping into. Although knowing that doesn’t make believing it any easier! 

So when I stumbled across the work of English photographer Paul Graham and the following text, an excerpt from the Yale MFA photography graduation book - (Yale Photography 2009: We Belong Together) it really resonated with me.

“Ok, so how do I make sense of that never ending flow, the fog that covers life here and now. How do i see through that, how do i cross that boundary? Do I walk down the street and make pictures of strangers, do i make a drama-tableaus with my friends, do I only photograph my beloved, my family, myself? Or maybe I should just photograph the land, the rocks and trees - they don’t move or complain or push back. The old houses? The new houses? Do I got to a war zone on the other side of the world, or just to the corner store, or not leave my room at all?”

“Yes, yes and yes. that’s the choice you are spoiled for, but just don’t let it stop you. Be aware of it, but just don’t get stuck - relax, it’s everything and everywhere. You will find it, and it will find you, just start, somehow, anyhow, but:start. “

Even in the midst of mental frustration, fear and doubt, not starting will cripple me from moving forward. It doesn't matter if the end looks completely different to where I started, or if I have no idea of what the end even looks like! The important thing is to start.